Resolve not to resolve. Water wears rock.

There’s just something so – rock like – about the word ‘resolve’. It feels rigid. I don’t think anything beautiful can grow around something so unbending. Nature is  movement. We are movement. Why set a rigid framework and make life tough, when you can achieve the same results with more grace, more fluidity?

Of course you want change. And why shouldn’t you? It’s your nature. But this year, use a new approach – something more akin to dancing, to having fun. Forget “put your back into it”. Dispense with “No pain, no gain” and run away from “put your nose to the grindstone”. Find a lighter way.

Choose. Make a choice that is for you, that flows from a deep, honest place of longing and desire. Make that choice and love it. Love the feelings it brings, even if tears are mixed in. Then commit. Make the next step and make it bold. Write down your desire as though it were a statement from your heart to a close friend. For instance, a desire to be slimmer could be written as:

I really long to have a slimmer body. I’d love to wear skinny jeans, to look down at my lovely flat belly, to wear a bikini and feel sexy in it. I’d  feel so light, so sassy. There is a smile on my face and a spring in my step when I picture this. I can see me eating foods that help my body be healthy and slim. I can feel the sweat from having a great work out or dancing. I know it will mean I make changes and I can already see, feel and know what those changes need to be. It starts now”.

Then add: –

“I am doing this for me, because I care for me. I love me. I really do. I may waver, but that’s OK. I may have days when it doesn’t go well, and that’s normal. And yet, I will continue. I will not abandon me however long it takes”.


Keep the last part in mind always. Write it down and put it in your purse, your pocket, on your desk, so when the hard times and challenges strike, you can hold onto something to steer  you through. Your love  and determination will steer you through – and there’s nothing wrong with a bit of resolve either, but allow yourself to be human! Remember, in the battle of rock vs. water, the result is always a beach for the waves to play on!!



  • Susan

    Hi Deborah
    I found your email a real challenge, but also strangely serendipitous because I am doing a PhD about using portraiture to help ‘resolve’ disrupted identities in people suffering from life threatening illnesses and I am finding it really ‘difficult’. Perhaps what I am trying to do is too ‘rigid’ and ‘unbending.’ I don’t want to make my life ‘tough’ but I do continually drive myself to ‘put my nose to the grind stone’ in order to get my PhD work done. What word would you suggest instead of ‘resolve’?
    In my battle of water against rock, I am feeling a little bruised!
    Love from

    • Hi Susan

      I’m inspired that you wrote as one more challenge right now, may not “feel” what you want.

      It may seem over-simplistic (and that in itself is often a mind-trap) but I am sure you agree that semantics can free us at times. I humbly
      suggest you play with using the word “dissolve”. The work at hand is (inter alia) to respectfully dissolve what is already there and take it to a higher level. The systems and habits that have sustained that individual have gotten them to some place – if that place is now ‘not useful’ it does not meanthat what got them there is ‘wrong’. In fact, they got there with a fabric woven from what they could find – and I would say that the ‘found objects’ of their stories deserve respect. This is why I use ‘dissolution’ in my business life – the resulting approach seeks more to use and transmute (i.e. take to the next higher level) the ‘dissolved’ story. For myself, it is only when I am meta to my story and can hold it with love and appreciation – no matter how ugly it may seem to others – that true transformation occurs. It doesn’t need bundling up and putting away in a dark cupboard – it needs me to be psychically bigger to hold it all and appreciate what each identity brought (and brings) to me. I’ve had some experience of this as have worked through some deep and dark trauma myself- and with the help of a psychologist. I appreciate your asking me for a comment. I know nothing about your awesome work, yet I feel how powerful it is. I think the bruising often occurs when we keep banging against the same rocks so I am truly humbled you asked an outsider for an idea.

      Love from Debs

    • And the word “transform” can be useful … maybe dissolve is a bit scary?

  • A lovely reminder to begin a fabulous new year! Thanks Debs!

    • Kari you wonderful woman!! Yes, 2012 at last – let’s rock it with the Divine Feminine leading the dance!!