“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become”.
I have found it pays to notice myself closely, when I am in danger of practicing ‘woundology’. Maybe you’ve experienced this?
It can be the temptation to join in with a conversation where the prevailing tone of the stories is about the awfulness of a partner, the hardness of life as a child, or the meanness of a boss.
Something in you wants to be part of the group story. You want to add your bit and bond accordingly. And why shouldn’t you?
But think on this:-
“Energy flows where attention goes” as my metaphysics teacher used to say. So what a waste of your precious mental and emotional energy this is. It could be invested more wisely.
Yes, of course, you need to come to terms with the sad, difficult and painful aspects of your life. At times, you’ll be faced squarely with the memories of difficult events and you need to feel those feelings. And that is important.
So rather than repeat your story, take the time to really feel your feelings about it (and that is a very big deal sometimes). Emotions are powerful: grief: anger:rage: resentment: bitterness and fear can feel huge – I note these especially as they are more likely to be avoided. You may have been taught that these are not ‘nice’ or ‘positive’ feelings to own.
But they are part of the emotional life and make-up of a human.
For instance, anger is appropriate to alert you when a boundary has been crossed. How you express that anger will determine how well the issue is resolved so you need to recognise your palette of emotions for what they are so you can allow them in as necessary.
The problem comes when the “story” and its enduring emotional colour, is actually a repository for under-expressed emotion. It’s like having a wild horse that you don’t ride, but you bring it out periodically for show. It’s chock full of energy but it’s not going anywhere.
Remember that emotions arise and fall away. They are like the weather. You may feel sunny in the morning and dull in the afternoon. And if you feel dull for too long, you may change your state – perhaps by eating, singing, dancing, finding something to laugh at – you naturally want to master your emotions and choose those most appropriate to your environment. And that is easier to do when you own all of your emotions and free yourself of your wound story. Choose something else instead. Clear the debris from the past and rebuild.
For example, your story can become one of the child who found life difficult but who now takes responsibility for creating great relationships. She is a heroine not a victim.
It could be the one of the person who found herself stuck in a bad relationship and realised she deserved more. Once she had her realisation she changed her story.
Or the guy who was miserable in the job his family liked him to have because it was safe, or local, or both. And then one day, he chose to do what was in his heart despite the upset it caused.
You do not HAVE to stay stuck in your old story. Repeating the words from that script, repeating the habits and actions from that book, will make you feel as though there is no other way, but remember that this is simply not true. It may feel true because your life has evolved to fit the events but when you take time to really really listen to your desires, what could your story read like then? And don’t forget, this is the story that you will hand down to those that come after – willl you inspire them?
SO how do you start? You start by accepting yourself exactly as you are now. This is the first step in making change – without acceptance, you will be stuck with some level of denial.
Go to this link to get your copy of “Accepting Myself” and begin to re-write your life story today.